YOU KNOW YOU ARE A SUPER SPREADER WHEN …
– You are the last super-spreader in your family
– Your Tinder profile says you are “adventurous” and “ready for the immune compromise”
– You think doctors are lying but still use condoms
– You refuse to get the vaccine because its tiny robots help the government know where you are – according to something you read on your cell phone
– All your conversations start with: “No, wait! Please come back!”
PLEASE ELIMINATE YOUR PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY IN A RESPONSIBLE MANNER
New South Wales Premier Dominic Perrottet suggests people will beat COVID by taking ‘personal responsibility’, proving he hasn’t met anyone.
Thanks to their short-lived freedoms, more than 5,000 New South Wales residents are now personally responsible for catching COVID every day.
Speaking from his baby farm, Perrottet insisted that whatever people do is their personal responsibility, he will not be held personally responsible.
PM TO FIGHT AGAINST ELECTIONS FOR FAITH, CLIMATE AND OTHER THINGS ON NO ONE AGREES
Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s election campaign in 2022 will promise a free God for all and climate change in every home.
The government’s good for you religious discrimination bill has been put on hold until the Earth freezes over.
Their Independent Commission Against Corruption was accidentally left in a pig barrel.
To compete, Labor is promising a “Faith and Climate Summit” to prove that climate change has nothing to do with God. (To discuss)
Labor will also target atheist downtown quinoa lickers sipping lukewarm soy milk en route to hell.
An unholy Labor explained: “The Labor Party is a big church with a very low ceiling.
The Greens offered a hand basket to go to hell.
Catholics eagerly await climate change, welcoming the possibility of change in the Holy See.
TWENTY MOST POPULAR TITLES OF 2021 …
- NASA KILLS LAND ROVER ON MARS
- OFFENSIVE “GOLDEN GAYTIME” FOR PEOPLE HAVING A BAD WEATHER
- PLANT PROTEINS A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE
- CAT NOT ANGRY, JUST DISAPPOINTED. IN YOU, Obviously.
- RUGBY LEAGUE PLAYER apologizes for behaving like a RUGBY LEAGUE player
- Joke MAKES SNORT COFFEE READER. NOW HE’S ADDICTED.
- THE CHANGE.ORG PETITION ENDS CAPITALISM!
- A HERONORMATIVE COUPLE FIGHTS TO EXPLAIN GERBIL’S DISAPPEARANCE
- A TATTOO PRISONER FOR A SECRET BIKE VACCINATION
- LAST CHANCE EMAIL INVITATION !!! »» MAY NOT BE THE LAST CHANCE
- IN THE WORLD FIRST, THE TEEN KNOWS EVERYTHING
- IF EVERYTHING GOES OK, BYRON BAY’S LOCKOUT WILL BE PERMANENT
- NEW “MISCELLANEOUS” LESS MISCELLANEOUS THE MORE YOU KNOW HIM
- ANTI-VAXXER SAYS “GIVE ME FREEDOM OR GIVE ME DEATH”. GET BOTH.
- VEGAN ADMITS HE BECAME VEGAN JUST TO SLEEP WITH THIS OTHER VEGAN
- NEWS CORP HEADLINE ‘DUTTON CHARM OFFENSIVE’ MISSING A comma
- SCHRÖDINGER’S CAT WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE OR BOTH
- ANTHONY ALBANESE ALSO SURPRISED NO ONE TO DISCOVER HE LEADS THE WORKING GROUP
- THE BODY BUILDER WITH A MASERATI DRIVING NECK TATTOO AFFIRMS HE IS INNOCENT
- NERVOUS PIG ABOUT THE PROMOTION FOR TEST DUMMY